Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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