I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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