Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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