i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You did what with his pubic hair?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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