i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
