you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize