I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
