I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
