Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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