tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
