my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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