Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
