Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
