Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
