can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
