Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
