So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Terrible idea I love it
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
