i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
