please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
