based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
