I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm sobbing to NWA
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
