Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
