You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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