I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
