allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
