I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
