Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
