After last night, I could never be a politician.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
