I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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