I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
