man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just pee around me
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize