My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she pinky promised me she was 18
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
