it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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