are you so shy because you have an std?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
