i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
