Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
