It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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