just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
