I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize