Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
