We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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