we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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