Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
