I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
