Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
