Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
