i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It all started with a game of naked twister.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
