remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
