Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
