Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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