i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
