apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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