I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
