look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
