Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
