you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize