I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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