I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
