People in love make me want to vomit
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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