I could make wine with my vomit
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
