Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
