I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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