you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
