hotel room ftw
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize