my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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