we're chasing vodka with high fives
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
