Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
His hands were made for my vagina.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize