Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
