Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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