can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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