I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
