Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
