How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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