Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
