I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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