the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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