im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Dear god my vagina.
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