my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
