I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
