nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
