So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Randomize
