So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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