So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Randomize