i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There's always time for handjobs
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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