Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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