New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I can't turn off my feet"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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