I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize