I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
