she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
