fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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