Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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