If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
