I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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