i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
