Nicole vs. Life
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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