if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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