Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize