Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just cropdusted the office
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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