Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize