Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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