happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
