her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
