onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
